she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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