My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
