i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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