I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
