Non-Jews are for practice
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
