please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i barfeds in our rink
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
