And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
40s are totally the cure
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
