My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
