so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
