Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
