I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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