And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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