Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
