so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You need a sexual gate keeper
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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