so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
