She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
