I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
