When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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