Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
