If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
