apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
