it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
