Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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