Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
