I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
