I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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