I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
