I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
