It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
