theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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