I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
