Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
