It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
