note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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