I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
