I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
