You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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