the condom got lost in my hair
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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