i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
jump out the window naked night went bad
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