wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
