I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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