Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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