We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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