My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
