i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
This is classic penis vs brain.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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