Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
