benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
