I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
