i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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