What a fucking waste of an outfit
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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