why didn't you poke me back
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
