I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
